That last deep conversation

Hello people who actually read my blog!

I don’t know about you but have you ever realized that people talk to you just so that they can gloat about whatever has happened to them recently? AND! They don’t even care what you have to say! It usually starts with something like: “Hey… uh… uh… so what’s… up?”

And so the conversation progresses. You answer with something that’s deep and meaningful to what’s actually happening in your life at the moment and no matter what you say the other person (who mind you: actually started this conversation!) does not care at all and shows it profoundly.

Their face tightens and so do their fists waiting for any pause you give them to start an entirely new topic of their own. It begins, about 30 seconds after they ask you, with short onomatopoeic utterances like: “eh! uhmm! bu-! humph! heah!” And when you finally give them that short millisecond of silence their reaction is more than likely always the same.

“So my grandma just died and the funeral is this Tuesday.”
“Aw, yeah, that’s great. But is it better than this? …”

OK so maybe they’d actually pay a little attention to what you’re saying, but not always. We have all been in that situation as both people and of course, our reaction is bias towards whomever we are. Whenever I’m the person with something to say I cannot wait until the person actually stops, the entire time I’m thinking: OK, stop. Stop. She stopping? Is that a pause? Damn it, what she say? Something about someone with the details about said someone. Crap, her grandmother died? Now I can’t say anything, how am I supposed to transition from death to the awesome concert I went to? Stupid people, don’t you get it by now: I just want to talk about me when I approach you this way!!! And I don’t only get mad at them but at myself because now I can’t say what I wanted to say and it’s aggravating.

This situation, however, does not only arise in this circumstance. Like today, for example. I was talking to a friend and asked her how everything was going (genuinely) and she began to get into a very detailed conversation about her family and her current situation. Mind you, I don’t not care about her, I really do and it makes me sad and I sympathize (and sometimes even empathized) but honestly: on the ride home, I cannot get into this huge “deep” conversation. When we only have 5 minutes and I ask how everything’s going, tell me you’re fine and move on! I can’t have a beast of a conversation now. Besides, how am I supposed to get into fluffy, nothing about anything stories that’s going on in my life? Greedy people.

On an entirely different note, AnInnO (twitter.com/AnInno) sent me a picture which I thought was quite hilarious! It was about a racist crayon… and then I searched like a mad person throughout my entire email inbox and could not find it at all. It was a sad 20 minutes. However if I ever find it, I would love to share it!

Remember:
Twitter.com/TheMBC
mikebcol@gmail.com

That (is SO) last year!

Well here we are on another adventure, and it’s called 2009. 2008 came and went with practically no warning (and no sympathy). Am I the only one who’s 2008 was apathetic towards them? Geez. So many good and bad things happened last year, it’s really hard to choose what’s what.

So, I’ll start off with the obvious that should be left in 2008. “…and I liked it, taste of her cherry chapstick, etc” 1. all jokes that allude to I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry. It’s undeniable that Katy Perry peaked the charts and a lot of people’s MP3 players, I mean, the girl even performed (greatly, well better than Akon) on YouTube Live and if that’s not “making it” then I don’t know what is! Yes the song is great and it’s catchy, but the jokes… they’ve got to stop.

2. Joe the *fill in the blank* Funny at first. Not funny now.

3. Obama pride. It’s done, it’s over, let it be. Yes, I’m excited about it to, but geez, let the McCain folk have some remorse about it a tinsy bit. Besides, you can celebrate on January 20th.

4. Sarah Palin. It’s done, it’s over, let it be. Yes, I’m excited about it to, but geez, let the McCain folk have some remorse about it a tinsy bit. And no mention about her being a GILF now either!

5. Twilight. It’s done, it’s over, let it be. You see where I’m going with this, right?

6. The Dark Knight. Maybe it’s because I never saw it (and before the hate mail starts) I want to, but God people it’s been like six months.

7. Sidekicks. Okay maybe I’m wrong about this one, but I’d like to think that all those on T-Mobile that have a Sidekick will see the light in Andorid’s system and switch over to the G1. All Android needs is a good IM client that doesn’t only work properly for Google Talk.

8. Hannah Montana. Need I say more?

9. High School Musical. Need I say more? Did read 8 and 9 you tweens? Oh and did you read 5 and 7 as well?

10. MySpace. Please, I mean can’t people see how much better Facebook is by now. It’s faster, it’s… better. Facebook is the social network. And along with that, what about Twitter, that’s like the social network as well!

I hope you all enjoyed my top ten “so last year” things, all completely unbiased! Now go on and have a great 2009. Oh, but read my blog too!

That last campaign day in 2008

Well, last night was the last day for campaign 2008, and it ended with a final boom.  There were slander ads, rallies, waving signs, and an emotion and atmosphere that couldn’t compete with any other campaign you could or probably did live through.

It all started two years ago when John McCain ‘did his thing’ and eventually became the choice for republican nominee, and just this year, Barack Obama became the choice for the democratic nominee after Hillary Clinton lost – by just a hair!

Last night I watched in anticipation waiting to see who would win, my eyes were glued to the TV and the computer as I refreshed the CBSNEWS.com website and talked to a million people about the results that came in hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute, second-by-second.  Each one was as crucial as the last; I knew that I had to watch it all as this was an incredibly historical election no matter who would win.

Three scenarios: First black president, first female vice president, first independent president.  The possibilities were endless and the hype was undeniable.  This was history in the making and I was there to witness it all.

I was there when Obama had only 3 votes, I was there when it jumped to 80+ in just a commerical break, I was there when it jumped to two times that, I was there when Barack Obama was ‘crowned’ president and became the President-Elect for the United States of America.

So, may I just say one thing?  Please, McCain supporters, Nader supporters, Barr supporters, non-voters, old, young, gay, straight, poor, rich, Black, White, Latino (err Hispanic), fat, skinny, everyone: let’s stand behind our new president and lead him, guide him, and help him help us. 

 That is our role as an American society.  This is our time, because without us there would be no him.

Waiting until January 20th, 2009.

[Sorry this wasn't funny.]

That last person that died from a flying kite

I was walking in the park (and okay I rode the swings too!) when I
came across this sign which I found to be incredibly hilarious. Can
you imagine the dangers of a flying kite…in an area where kites are
usually flown? I mean, THE HUMANITY!

In any case, I Google'd the situation (which is what I always do when
I don't know about something) and found that there was a horrible
incident in Pakistan, last year, where 7 people died and 100 were
injured. But see, they died from sharp copper kite strings and
celebratory gun shots. How often does that happen at your local park?

I found another situation where a man was walking backwards in a park
to make his kite fly. Little did he know the edge of a cliff was
behind him. Why they put a park on a cliff and didn't fence it is
BEYOND me.

What if at the end of Mary Poppins everyone was told they couldn't fly
a kite? Not only is that part of the movie symbolic but it's the most
care-free part! What would be the lyric this time? "Let's go fly a
kite, up to the highest height, let's go back inside, because it's
illegal!"

If any park had a sign like this: please, retract it. Flying kites
are fun!

That last speech

First, let me preface by saying I’m sorry that I haven’t written anything in over a week, but the times are tough and busy! I have launched a new podcast called Random Cast, with Anna (Mangodroplet), which you can find at http://randomcast.weebly.com and am also to the brink of school work! But, I figured, before hurricane Ike comes and rapes us, I might as well do a blog post about something a lot of us have been watching all week: RNC; more specifically John McCain’s speech. And just in case you don’t know where I’m headed, here’s one word I can use to describe his speech: BLEGH!

Did anyone see…and liked…McCain’s speech last Thurdsay? I mean the thing was a total disaster and kind of…known? It wasn’t good by any means and did anyone count how many times he reiterated about being in the military? I mean, we get it, John! WE GET IT! You served in the military, you almost died like countless of other people that were there, and you abided by their rules. It’s not like you were a seargent and won battles or something…so please just stop!

Now, I’m not trying to downplay being in the military. I respect him for fighting for the country I love and I respect all soldiers and others that put their lives at risk like that. It’s just that it felt like McCain and the entire republican campaign is trying to get us to feel sorry for him and pity him just so we can vote for him.

I can’t express how annoying it is when all I heard at RNC was “John McCain was in the military; this is America (US/USA/ETC)!” Because, seriously, that’s all that was said at the RNC, I really wanted to throw up after Giuliani said that there’s good change and bad change…and then followed up that this is America…thanks, but I’ve been living here all my life; I kind of knew that.

Palin’s speech was also redundant, but man what a freakin’ speech! It was really good…she truly outshined McCain. His speech, on the other hand, like I’ve said, in lack of better words: sucked. It sounded like he used a Microsoft Word template to create his. There’s really only one other way I can express how I feel:

Good luck on voting come November!

That last stupid emergency button

[Click on image for full-size]

First off, I’d like to thank Mike Cunningham, also known as An InnO, for sending me this picture to the That Last Thing email. If you want to send ‘us’ an email, please do at thatlastthing@gmail.com! Whether you want to tell me off, or say something I did wrong, send me a picture, a thought, tell me about your day, say something that you thought of last in a conversation, something for a blog post, that you’re stalking me, Chinese spam, a racial slur, who your favorite actor or actress is, your thoughts on gay marriage, whom you’re voting for, what political party you’re part of, tell me a joke, say that you’re thristy, send me a link to an awesome website, say I should have a podcast about ‘Last Things,’ tell me your Twitter; Facebook; MySpace; FriendFeed; Ping.fm; Last.fm; Zune Social; Blogger Profile; or Pownce, your AIM; Windows Live; Yahoo! Messenger; Jabber screen names, tell me whom you hate or love, write down all the rules of the English language, a limerick, a haiku, any dirty poem; joke; picture; video, your aunt’s name, your name, when you’re getting married, whose birthday it is, or even when you might be taking a crap…you can send it at that email!

Now, let’s get to that picture shall we? As I was saying, Mike sent this in saying he saw this in a Home Depot (this guys likes his stores) if you needed help. And I’m not talking about “can you please reach that for me” or “in which aisle are your shingles located?” Although, let’s face it: that would be so American. The day we have to press a button instead of walking 5 feet to get customer service, would not only prove to be the most depressing thing to happen since…the Great Depression?…but also show that we deserve to be the country with the most obese amount of people!

No, it’s more of a “don’t dial 911, press this button instead.” That’s right! Getting robbed? Don’t run after that prick who stole your purse, or Tickle Me Elmo (oh wait, it’s not holiday season and this ain’t Toys ‘R Us) and have the ability to actually recover your ID, money, and other valuables! Nooooo! Walk briskly, don’t run, click the button and “An Associate will be with you shortly.”

Now there’s no need to break a sweat whenever something ‘wrong’ happens to you in the famous warehouse. Because let’s talk truth: Perspiration and wood are so last year.

That last social network

I’m a little late to create this blog post, but I just had to, even if it took me 10 years to write about how arrogant this is.

David Hasselhoff, the has-been actor from used-to-be popular drama Baywatch, and the judge on the number one show of the summer America’s Got Talent has begun a social network that’s all about him. Isn’t that just lovely?

The network allows you to create a page, see members, chat with members, it has a forum and “gadgets,” groups, videos; pictures; and other mediums, newsletters, everything you’d expect to find in a social network, really.

The first thing you notice on the plainly designed website is David’s widened purple face that’s cut off on the top right, smiling at you as if he knows you just want to join.

Y’know what? I’m sorry, I just can’t keep doing this, let his words tell you what the site is about:

I realized that while two people from two entirely different countries and backgrounds may seem to have nothing in common, the only thing they might have in common is me… So I decided to start a network where people from across the world might come together and get a conversation started over me. Where it will lead, I don’t know but the world would be a better place if everyone talked a little more to each other…

I don’t even know what to think about this, honestly, it’s probably the most conceited thing I might’ve read…EVER. Seriously? HoffSpace?

But, if you’re still not enticed to join, keep reading and you’ll find that there are videos about The Hoff that “NO ONE ELSE GETS TO SEE!” How can you not join, now?

If you can bear to see it, go to http://www.davidhasselhoff.com/
Picture Source: HoffSpace

That Last horrible toy

Thanks to Mike Cunningham (known as An InnO on the Internet) for the following image, without it: this post wouldn’t have existed. Click on the image for it to enlarge.

I was on Twitter, as I always am, for some reason Twitter is my entire life. Well, maybe not so much, but it’s incredibly addicting. And if you don’t have a Twitter yet, I think you should get one now and tell all your friends as well. [And just a plug: my Twitter's: Twitter / TheMBC]

Getting back on track: I was on Twitter and was reading my home page when I saw an @reply from Mike to me (and if you use Twitter, you know what that means) with the image to the left saying that was the last thing he saw while leaving the store, and another @reply to use for my blog, which I’m glad he said.

If you cannot read what it says, I’ll type it out for you. “Bubble BBQ.” That’s what it says: “Bubble BBQ.” “BUBBLE BBQ!?”

First of all, the name is probably one of the stupidest that I have ever read on any label or any inanimate object ever. I believe that’s something anyone that reads this post can agree on.

Secondly, how did this thing clear the FCC? If the title alone doesn’t make children think they can eat the toxic bubble/soap/water, then maybe the following description will from the Funrise Toys website:

You too can grill a Gazillion thrills with the Gazillion Bubble BBQ! With this portable bubble barbeque you will become the ultimate bubble chef! Grill bubble steaks and great bubble sausages! This Bubble BBQ comes with all the necessary grilling accessories so you can grill up bubble fun anytime! Everyone will want to join your bubble cookout with the Gazillion Bubble BBQ! Batteries required.

Create your own bubble steaks and bubble sausages? The description is just ad nauseum with the word “bubble” that it’s kind of sickening and makes me want to throw up bubble vomit. And, “batteries required?” You sure you don’t mean bubble batteries, Funrise?

Thirdly, did you read the price? It’s not that it’s ~$20, it’s that it’s sold at Linens N Things. I suppose the “Things” has become the broadest category of the store!

Nevertheless, Bubble BBQ is the winner of iParenting Award for Best Product of 2008. Why? I have no idea.

Toy Website.

That last Britney insult…hopefully

I was reading the LATimes, as I usually do — and if you didn’t catch on, that was totally sarcasm — and was reading about the VMAs about to come up on MTV (wait, they’re giving out awards for something they don’t even show on their network anymore? I know, how stupid of me to throw a total cliché when what I’m trying to portray in this post is to stop talking clichés…but I never said all together, now did I?)

Now, I was in mid-sentence but that parenthesis part probably threw you off, so I repeat: …and was reading about the VMAs about to come up on MTV on September 7th and came across this article and was disgusted. I don’t “like” Britney in particular, but it’s kind of becoming an annoyance for people to keep insulting her on the littlest things and just kicking her down.

I don’t mean for this to turn into a Chris Crocker special or something (even though that guy is hilarious! Check him out on YouTube) but I mean, seriously, read the following:

Even though Britney Spears sang and hoofed “Gimme More” so disastrously at last year’s kudofest, MTV Video Music Awards just took her request seriously. It gave her three more undeserved nominations, including a shot at video of the year for “Piece of Me.”

Wow! Did you read those two sentences? Just two! Look how they downplay her and just push her down and squish her with no remorse like a tiny little annoying ant at the bottom of your shoe! “And hoofed…disastrously” I mean, guys! Give it up!!!! It’s been a freakin’ year, LATimes! Do you have no one esle to harp on?

Kudofest.
They act as if the performance and everyone being there and congratulating her was just pity, just to throw her a kudos!

Took her request seriously.
See the sarcasm? Even the shock! They took her request(?) seriously? I mean c’mon, a freakin’ Multi-Millionare-making pop celebrity who brought the VMAs basically to the top of ratings last year isn’t something we should hire at this year’s VMAs…

Gave.
Apparently Britney Spears didn’t put any effort into her music videos and therefore doesn’t even diserve awards anymore. It’s kind of like that “good grade means earned, bad grade means gave” concept. Y’know the one! When you get a good grade you’re all saying “I earned an A [or 100]” but when you get a bad one it’s “That teacher gave me a D [60]!!!”

My verdict: Insulting Britney Spears is so 2007. Put your lame jokes to rest and start publishing more sensationalism and less crap.

Impeach Bush!

I was at McDonald’s today and was looking at the car in front of us…for a long time, actually, and I had to take a picture of it. It was so funny, for no reason, really. Maybe the person didn’t get the memo: there’s a presidential election around the corner!

Click the picture for full size.

And as for the whole “last thing…” it was the last thing on the car? I don’t know.